Sometimes words speak louder than actions
by shortblondeone
Summary: Anthea reaches breaking point and puts pen to paper.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This came about while I was on a flight last week. The idea wouldn't leave me so I popped it down into notes and this was the result. Huge thanks to Blood-Sucker-1428 for proof reading and giving me some pointers. Let me know what you think, I hope you enjoy reading.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not, nor shall I ever own Sherlock. This is very sad.**

 ** _Sometimes words speak louder than actions/Words are all I have_**

 _(I had two titles floating around for this, if you have a preference let me know)_

Anthea sat at her desk at home and stared at her laptop screen. She loved Mycroft, she truly did, but damn he was an arse sometimes. This wasn't always his own fault he didn't have the most conventional of upbringings and his life hadn't been a bed of roses, and just like his little brother he couldn't see that someone actually loved him and would do anything for him. She and Molly often confided in each other about being in love with a Holmes and its many pitfalls.

She couldn't do it anymore, spending all day, every day with him but not being with him. She had promised herself that enough was enough but she just couldn't let go and this led her to where she was now, staring at a blank email page. It was Molly who had given her the courage to do it. She had after John and Mary's wedding told Sherlock in no uncertain terms that she loved him and wanted a life with him. Sherlock naturally went into buffering mode for a good while but after a pep talk from John, Mary, and Greg, he told Molly he would try to give her all that she desired. That was 3 months ago and Sherlock true to his word was trying with all his might to be the best version of himself. It was now her turn to take that leap of faith… She began typing.

 _Mycroft,_

 _They say actions speak louder than words but in this case I feel words are all I have._

 _What if you didn't see sentiment as a defect?_

 _What if you didn't see caring as a disadvantage?_

 _What if you didn't close yourself off from the people who care about you?_

 _What if you let your caged heart be free?_

 _What if you didn't hold everyone's burdens on your shoulders?_

 _What if you let that mask drop just once?_

 _'What' and 'if' are not words that can cause distress or worry when they are used separately but when they are put together they have the power to haunt you and all the decisions you make._

 _You see, I ask myself on a daily basis what if I didn't love you. (Yes Mycroft someone loves you, loves you for you). What if I was free from you? What if you loved me back? The answers I give myself are I could never stop loving you, I don't want to be free from you, and I would give my life to be loved by you. However I know better. So just like you I built walls, but my walls have cracks. Cracks that I can't fix._

 _This is all probably making no sense to you, but I had to get my thoughts out, write them down so they are no longer fighting inside of me._

 _From the moment I started working for you I knew you were different. You were nothing like I had ever known before, you introduced me into a new and exciting world. I met people that are now like family, experienced things never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamt happening, and most importantly I fell in love with the most incredible man I've ever known, will ever know._

 _My heart is yours if you will take it. I'm not asking for the world, I'm not even asking for a normal relationship, because that's not you and I would never want to change you. All I'm asking for is an acknowledgment of something that gives me hope. Hell, if Sherlock can do it that gives me hope in itself. Yes, your little brother has surprised everyone and some of that can be credited to you, whether you believe that or not is up to you._

 _I know I'm rambling and you hate that, but just think it could be worse. I could be giving you all this as a speech._

 _You see, the thing is I can't keep doing this, and by this I mean being with you 24/7, quite literally and not really being with you. Unlike you my heart is free and it's hurting. I need that hurt to stop._

 _There is a quote from one of my favourite films that sums this all up very nicely and I'm going to use it, so you can roll your eyes as much as you like at my use of pop culture. "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love me"._

 _I won't be in work tomorrow. I can't do it. Make of that what you will._

 _Yours, always_

 _Anthea_

Anthea hit the send button before she could change her mind. She then quickly shut her laptop lid, knowing Mycroft would still be up and would receive the email almost instantly. She pushed herself away from her desk and climbed into bed not bothering to undress, she curled herself tightly into a ball and pulled her duvet all the way over as if to protect herself from the outside world.

 **Author's Notes part 2: Hopefully you enjoyed the read as I was super nervous about posting it, having not written anything in such a long time so all reviews will be welcome and any constructive criticism gratefully taken.**

 **Shortblondeone**

 **x**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: Here it is, Mycroft's reply. I hope I did it justice. _**

**_Huge thanks for all the reviews and follows, it means alot._**

 ** _Another thanks to Blood-Sucker-1428 for allowing me to borrow Anthea's surname._**

 _ **Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, this is still sad.** _

_Words are all I have_

Mycroft was sitting in his study at home with a finger of scotch by his side, he was just about to turn in for the night when his laptop pinged to alert him to a new email, he sighed and turned towards the screen. To say he was surprised at the sender was an understatement, he stared at the email for a couple of seconds without opening it, his tired and overworked brain trying to catch up.

Sender: Anthea James

Subject: Words

It clearly wasn't a work related email as he hasn't sent her any reports to review this evening, with some hesitation he clicked on the email to open it. He stared at the contents of the email and proving that the Holmes brothers are more alike than they think Mycroft Holmes went into buffering mode. When he finally came too, he downed the scotch next to him, poured himself another and downed that too. Then he took a deep breath and started to read the email. As he read the ramble that was his assistant's thoughts he realised something. Something that would shock him. He, the Ice Man, was worried about his assistant's well being. Of course he knew she had a crush on him, his deductions powers may not be as great as his baby brother's, but he could observe just as well. He choose not to indulge such a crush, knowing it was a phrase women went though and it would pass. Or so he had hoped, this email proved all of this theory incorrect and how wrong he was. Mycroft Holmes wrong, what was the world coming too?

He found his fingers flying across the keys in a reply before he even knew he was doing so. He never meant to hurt her or be the reason for her hurt, she was the most important person in his life both professionally and personally. The more he let himself dwell on her words the more the realisations came to him. He couldn't loose her from his life in any capacity.

 _Anthea, my dear,_

 _When words are all you have, you have the most powerful thing a human can own._

 _Your words, your thoughts, your ramblings are what make you, you and just like you I wouldn't want you to change._

 _Your words and thoughts have forced me to reassess my own thoughts. Messier than yours are, this email may well make no sense but I have a strong feeling that you will be able to read between the lines and sort them out._

 _You see my dear, my heart was taken 2 years, 4 months and 3 days ago by someone quite incredible, they uncaged and set my heart free without them even knowing they had done it. That person was you. I tired to keep you at arms length for my own shelfish reasons, I couldn't loose you. If I kept it a purely plantonic and professional working relationship then I got to see you everyday without any of the messy bits, but I recently learnt that life is the messy bit._

 _You mention Sherlock giving you hope and that just proves how messy this is, my baby brother, the self proclaimed consulting detective, the reformed junkie, the newly settled down family man giving someone hope is a miracle in itself and I thank you for saying some of that can be accredited to me, however I beg to differ (you knew I would) as most of what my brother has achieved can be linked to his relationships with Dr Watson and Dr Hooper and in the early days DI Lestrade. However I am grateful that you see the same improvement in Sherlock that I see._

 _It would seem that the undoing of both Holmes brothes was a woman. The woman who came into my life, came in with no agenda, no hidden motives and no want to use me just for my postion. If I let my mask drop she would have seen just how much she means to me & just how much that scares me. Yes scares me, I don't do sentiment or caring as you well know and that is a choice to keep the people closest to me safe. I carry the burdens of the world to protect the world. You know I have enemies, and those enemies want pressure points to use as leverage against me, I won't expose my pressure points to them. You, my dear are a pressure point, my biggest pressure point and the one they would use against me the most (they have given up on Sherlock, he's too much like hard work) so I don't care, I don't feel and I don't show sentiment to keep you safe, for if something were to happen to you, I just don't know what I would do. This, this whole situation scares me, truly scares me. What if I mess up? What is I hurt you more than I already have? What if you leave me?_

 _Knowing that I have already hurt you, hurt you without knowledge, made you put up walls, pains me. How can I fix these cracks because I'm no good at this, any of it. I want you to be happy but I can't make you happy if I hurt you without seeing that I'm doing it. You said about hope, hope is a wonderful things to have and since you came into my life I do have gained hope._

 _I need you in work tomorrow. I need you by my side._

 _Forever yours_

 _Mycroft_

Mycroft didn't ever bother to proof read it, he hit send before he could back out of doing so. He then reached for his phone and pulled up the message screen, he open Anthea's message thread and sent her one word 'Email' for his knew that her laptop would have been shut down the moment she send her email in a bid to protect herself. He needed her to read his reply as soon as it arrived.

He was now going to have to play the waiting game and wait he would, for as long as was needed.

 _ **Author's Notes2:**_ _As always all reviews welcome, please let me know what you thought and if you would like more._


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